Optimism and positivism

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.” ~Norm Papernick

Yesterday, as usual moving around in my wheelchair I tried standing up holding the door handle, (how foolish of me), which had no business of being stable and supporting me and so there I went flying alongwith the  door, hanging on its handle. Obviously it hurt at many places but honestly I couldn’t help but smile.  As a matter of fact, I was laughing out aloud on my foolish choice of support.

But it was indeed fun taking a fun ride with the door.  I suddenly felt a tremendous surge of love, gratitude, and happiness, coz I was able to laugh even when I fell and I hurt myself...I was feeling proud of myself and I wanted to express it!  Why hold in the love, right?! So I spread it, smiling at the world around me, giving thanks for all the blessings in my world!  The sky, the trees, my family, my friends, my past, present, and future.  All of it.

I’m still riding off of the euphoria I was feeling.😂

How did I get here? Well, *clearing my throat* I’m going to shock you all that only knows the Deepthi of now: I used to be a staunch pessimist. Amazing how life can turn out.

I started shifting towards optimism during my last few months, without much conscious effort.  I just naturally started believing more and more in myself, feeling empowered by the wonderful people around me (not jus those physically but also those who are with me through their thoughts and let it known to me through this phone).

The experiences of pain, exhaustion, humiliation, frustration, helplessness,etc that I had to go though in the last few months and am still undergoing (thanks to myasthenia gravis, acute urticaria, bronchial asthma, migraines and PNES seizures...poooff.. thats about it!!!😂), forced me to confront, head on, my thought patterns and their effect on my world.

I was feeling miserable...I mean all the time.  All I could think about was how I was never going to get back my old active, smart, confident self again.  My family tried to console me and convince me otherwise, but there was no point.  No one could change my mind.

As days passed I reflected back on this entire experience of miserablity..thats when I got smacked up in the head to wake up.  It was eerie.  I literally felt as if I was seeing the world from a different set of eyes.  My conception of the world – my world – had changed, and now even my physical perception of it seemed altered.

Some of the questions that forced this change was…why had I been so miserable?  Why hadn’t I allowed myself to savor the experience of being cared for and loved by all?  Why had I been so…pessimistic, automatically accepting that life would not go how I wanted?

Wow, I remember how debilitating and exhilarating that feeling was at the same time. To stand before my new set of eyes, with my mind and EGO laid bare, asking and answering tough questions about the very core of who I thought I was.

I explored and questioning my once-solid thought patterns, questioning why I believed them and how they related to who I thought I was. I continued and am still in the process... even today asking myself over and over, “what thought patterns are limiting me?”

It’s having a dramatic effect on my life.

When your thoughts revolve around how big a problem is, on why you are not good enough, on why life will not go your way…you lose a lot of confidence and become overwhelmed, stressed, irritable, angry, depressed, etc...like me. With this state of mind, you only perform at a fraction of your true capacity. Trust me..only a fraction.

Then I tried to keep a calm mind, focus on the good in my life, and continue to be positive about a...any situation…and oh boy, let me tell you.  My ability to effectively handle any situation skyrocketed! I still can recollect my Etan's shell shocked (lemme also add pride filled) eyes when I was handling things...even pain after a fall or seizure...in a calm manner with a smile.  

You BELIEVE you can handle it and turn it into a workable situation, so it clears your mind and allows you to give it your all. You suddenly see solutions where your stressed /unconfident mind simply could not.

So now nothing stands in my way because I no longer do.  Everything else becomes manageable.  And I don’t make excuses for why something can’t happen – I keep trying to figure out how it can. Like I have invented various ideas to climb the stairs to reach the second floor..with ofcourse my life less legs!

And then something spectacular happens…

I realize how smart and talented I really am☺(even with my slurred speech and short term memory loss). How beautiful I really am, (even with my steroid induced moonface and arms and shoulders that cud give He-man a scare).  How capable I really am even while on my wheel chair.  How truly amazing I really am (because I AMMMMMM!!!!).( Come on enuf of ur laughing😈)

It changes everything.

I become me without all the junk that had been holding me down. Well, this is me without all the junk holding me down. This moment.  Now.

Go out and kick butt, walking confidently and thinking positively!!  Your mind dictates your world – take charge and have a wonderful day!

PS: Can u try and be aware of “what thoughts are limiting me?”  SHINE YOUR LIGHT!!!  And remember to always, always be patient and loving with yourself...I was never..but now I am.  I was initially overwhelmed by how many thoughts were limiting me.  It takes time to identify them and deal with them..atleast it does for me.  Do it with love – knowing that you are simply clearing the way for your best self to shine through.There’s not anything “wrong” with you!  You’re amazing!  Don’t forget it!  Now I know it, live it, and let myself shine!!!
Why not?😆