A Jab of judgement!

3rd December is celebrated as 
International Day for Persons with Disabilities. Last year some where during this time I had been to the Disabilities Commission to attend a legal matter. I remember to have seen a scene which had effected my heart deeply..little did I know..I too would have to go through a similar situation today..just about a year later.
I remember a young couple had entered the parking zone of the government office and was getting their car parked in the space reserved for the disabled. As soon as they parked the car I saw the man get down from the drivers seat and went the other side to open the door for the lady. The lady holding the arms of the man slowly was trying to get up...when suddenly another man appearing to be one from the security started lambasting the couple for parking their car in the space reserved for disabled....why? Apparently because the lady looked well dressed and beautiful, with her limbs, arms, eyes.. everything appearing to be perfectly fine! She no way looked disabled! The security now supported by some more people, continuing his angst against the lady kept muttering..how people misuse the privilege!
The man supporting the woman, who was struggling to stand on her legs, politely informed the security that his wife was suffering from a rare autoimmune disorder which is invisible to our eyes and that she was too weak to walk let alone stand on her own! The lady who thought of attempting to walk without crutches now was forced to take it out from the car..just to convince the security. But the assemblage in no mood of understanding forced them to park the vehicle far off..unendingly babbling 'how dare they?'

I kept wondering why were those people so rude to her?

It’s now after a year when I myself have been diagnosed with an invisible autoimmune disorder called Myasthenia gravis...that I got the answer.  Instant judgements!!! That Iady din’t look like the world thinks a ‘disabled’ person should look. She was not old (enough to be disabled as is the general thought of people), physically deformed, there was nothing glaringly and obviously wrong with her when you look at her.

My condition today is no different from that lady...I can clearly sense people being uncomfortable around me because they are not able to understand as to from which angle am I disabled. So in a flash judgement passed... there is nothing wrong with her, she is probably just lazy wanting.

A similar incident happened to be in AIIMS, when I was sitting in my wheelchair and waiting for my turn in the queue to meet my doctor. By the end of two hours I was so exhausted that my spine had bend making my head reach between my knees..my eyes too had drooped..but with my half eye I could see people staring at me unforgivingly.  I had grown chubby with steroids dressed well and apparently youngest in the whole waiting hall on a wheel chair!

Seeing my condition deteriorating my husband requested the security waiting outside the doctors room to kindly check when is our turn. A brief look at me and he made his judgement and catapulted us back saying there are many more 'deserving' people in the queue!
When finally we met the doctor and I came out of the room...walking wobbly holding the walls and door with my neck now totally drooped and right arm totally paralysed... since my wheelchair was parked outside during my examination... I could sense those eyes that were unpardonably gnawing at me 15 mins back.. had turned aplologetical!
The same security guard forgetting the budging crowd came and held my hands and took me cautiously to my wheels. Putting a lot of efforts I pulled my neck up and Iooked at him to thank him. I noticed
he had became really warm and apologetic. Is this because he could see my disability to walk, my body now crippled with the nerve twitching and pain... my obvious discomfort..now something tangible he could assimilate?

It was interesting to witness the reaction of the rest of the people including the elderlies most of whom even stood up and came to help me get seated on my wheelchair..appearing totally shocked to see my real state! 

In the last six months my fluctuating conditions...sometimes on wheels..sometimes on crutches..sometimes almost blind with both eyelids drooped... sometimes dumb with paralysed tongue.. has made me immune to the judgements and reactions  of others. If I am not in my wheelchair or using crutches no-one would guess I have any health problems.  However it is bewildering and saddening that people can be so judgmental towards those with invisible disabilities. 

I try my best to no longer allow the words or actions of others dictate how my day goes. I have no control on what others think or say but I  hace learnt to choose the way I react and feel.

I very well am aware situations like the one above are sadly all too common, and I always am in a dilemma on is how to react to it. It is a shame that people aren’t always as compassionate and open as we would hope them to be. All I can continue to do is to treat people with the same love and respect I would like to receive...that i truly deserve!

So what do I do when someone intentionally tries to ruin my day with such an insensitive reaction..or judge me for taking rest to get over the fatigue and bring back my paralysed organ back to life..which means lying on bed for a whole day or may be even days..without looking sick?

I choose to rest without shame or guilt as I am not resting..I am healing.. and I choose to forgive them because their choice of being rude, misinformed, judgemental and ignorant will only appulse them for life, than me for a day!