JEALOUS...yes I was!

When your chronic illness leaves you jealous of the “normal”

How do you deal with jealousy? I’ve been having my moments lately where the little green horned monster has been following me around.

No, no I am not talking about “wow, I’d love to have that car” or not even "oh, I wish I could do that” feeling that creeps in from time to time. I’m talking about the deeper, closer to home jealousy that leaves you grasping on the edge of the cliff to depression. The jealousy that leaves you bitter and withdrawn.

I am talking of the feeling of jealousy when I see people walk around the block or do their own grocery shopping.

But is jealousy something I really need to address in my life? Can it possibly have an affect on my health?

Then I came across a proverb : "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

I realised I already have chronic illness and  I certainly don’t need anything else that will negatively affect my health.

So this is how I am dealing with jealousy:

Trying to figure out why I am jealous. Is it just from feeling self-compassion and a desire to be able to do more? Am I truly jealous over what they have or are? Am I grieving over losing life as I knew it before chronic illness took over?
Once I get my reason I find it easier to deal with it.
I have also started noting how my jealousy could affect those around you. A cloud of negativity can overtake my home when I allow myself to steep in jealousy.
My family may withdraw as they may worry that I might get upset when they tell me about something exciting going on in their life. 
So I remind myself of the positive things in my life. I have a gratitude journal. At moments when I can’t find the silver lining to the cloud I am in, I go through the journal and remember I have so much to be thankful for!
It took time, but I came up with many reasons I’m thankful for my illness.

I constantly put in efforts to be aware of the possibility of resentment creeping in. It tends to follow jealousy very closely and can ruin my relationship with the person I am jealous of.
Actually, it can ruin any of my relationships as I would begin to be a person seen as resentful and bitter person.

Now I take a moment to look at the grass on the other side of the fence. NO NO NOT THE GREEN GRASS, BUT THE BROWN, WITHERED GRASS of someone less fortunate than myself.

It helps me keep things in perspective when I take time to see the needs and hardships of others. Even if it only gives me the knowledge that I am not alone in my burdens.

Trying to deal with situations like these as best as possible reduced stressed and frustrating feelings a lot for me. And relaxed Deepthi often results in happy and above all seizure free Deepthi!!!😁