ROSE BUD!

The rose bud looked down
and shrieked "Oh I have thorns!
but why should I hesitate to blossom and be born?
Its not my fault I have thorns!
With all my flaws that I proudly display
I am here to face the world to bloom and to stay !

Flowers

I want to be like these flowers,
finding my sun even in the dark!!!

I want my mind to be filled with thoughts,
from each of which I wish a flower sprouts!

I want to be a wildflower and grow,
at all and any place that one can ever know!

I want to have a flower bloom from each of my anguish,
flowers from each of my accepted blemish!

I want to be a flower blooming out from the cinders,
of the memories and moments that have burnt off..how I wonder!

I want to be a flower blooming day and night,
spreading warmth and love with or without sunlight!

I want to be a flower through which our  spinning planet find smiles,
be close to hearts and adorn all the marred souls!

I want to be a flower filled with all colors bright,
with enchanting fragrance lingering  throughout the night!
 
I want to be a flower that blooms to attract the bees,
and have people believe in 'hope' whenever they see me!

SHACKLED LIFE AT THIRTY FIVE!!!!

Before I bury my reminiscences of 2016 I want to thank it for making me a chronically ill patient (through myasthenia gravis, urticaria, bronchial asthma, migraines and psychogenic nonepileptic seizures) taking away my freedom and at the same time teaching me what life is, actually, all about and most importantly what is the right way to value and live my life!

After spending eight odd months of 2016 spending most of my time in the hospital, getting umpteen number of tests ending with swollen needle marks throughout my body, battling to get a diagnosis, getting 30 bottles of plasmas infused in my blood to relax the flares of Myasthenia Gravis, getting back my life slipping out of my hands, hurting, bleeding and humilating myself with psychotic nonepileptic seizures ( PNES ), whining about being disabled and being dependent on others, proving how sick I was to those who could not understand my invisible disability, feeling jeolous of others freedom and enjoying the life, and thereafter entering the positive world of colors, writing, self healing, etc...now finally I have come to realise that I HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE!!!!

My life has changed with these  chronic incurable ailments and I really can't rewind it or wipe it off. My body doesnt really care whether I like it or not. But my body has taught me not to wait for a tomorrow and instead CARP E DIEM!!! SEIZE THE DAY!!!!!

Honestly its now I realise God has given me a second chance to live again and so I am now determined to MAKE IT BIG!

Being a Myasthenic, I am now very well aware of my limitations and stock of energy. So listed below are my plans for having a meaningful 2017...I dont want to plan for life..let's go step by step!

♡ So my first step towards my aim to live a fulfilling 2017 was Prioritisation!
Setting my priorities straight would help in utilizing my limited energy on the really important stuff like my kids, their studies, things I love to do to keep my morale high,etc. So I quit my compulsive urge to be everything for everyone.

♡Next was accepting my body! Having a positive bodyimage was very much required to love and respect myself! Being fat with not being able to excercise, having a moon face gifted by the steroids and looking twice my age... really the worst possible thing that could happen to me! No doubt I would like to go back to size M from XXL...but as on date I am focused only on the way I am today..on how I can enjoy all the wonderful things that us still left with me! I am done wasting my time whining about what or how I was!

♡ Thirdly I have started putting my efforts to weed out the unwanted namesake relationships and friendships! What would be left may be just a handful..but I am sure they would the most amazing people who are meaningful or supportive...whom I would treasure!

♡ Fourthly now I firmly believe that I dont have to be busy all the while to prove my worth or to have a meaningful life! I am learning the art to stay still, breath, live each moment mindfully, enjoy silence and solitude! No more scheduling every minute of my life..just focus and practice to simply enjoy each moment as it comes. I now aim to sincerely and deeply be grateful for any life experience that comes my way.. be it in any form..whether a medication or a treatment or day chilling with my family..and be grateful for all that God had granted me!

♡ Fifthly to just let go, laugh more, forgive myself and most importantly to BELIEVE in God, myself and miracles! I know that without the Almighty I am nothing and with his grace and the blessings and best wishes of my loved ones there’s nothing unachievable for me! This fifth point has helped in loosening the chains on my life helping me to move ahead taking tiny whiny steps! 

With the above five pointers we can transform our life into a realisation..of loving and being loved and of clearly understanding and acknowledging the fact that no matter how sick and disabled we are.. we still are precious, beautiful, gifted and valuable to many..mark my words...many.. who are happy to have you alive with them! Because they draw strength from you!

So all my dear friends sailing in similar boats like me..please remind yourself that we are a lot more than how we look and what we do. Our work and our worth are totally distinct.

So let's begin this new year on a note of happiness, positivity and self respect!

Oh ammuma!!!!

DEDICATED TO MY GRANDMOTHER - 'AMMUMA' IN MALAYALAM

Oh Ammuma! You mean the world to me,
how could you love me so selflessly?
My life went up & down but you were there,
handling me like a petal with utmost care!

I have seen you conceal your pain,
hiding your tears and smiling again!
You taught me the lessons on sacrifice and how to care and heal,
An art that you mastered just through experience and without any degree!

You taught me how to be a woman with self respect,
how to take pride in giving and not to expect!
Oh Ammuma! You are my angel and I am safe under your wings,
with you in my life trust me, I don't ever need anything!

Everytime I stumble and fall I can feel your warm hold,
Oh Ammuma do you have a heart made of gold?

Sometimes a parent, sometimes a teacher,
Oh Ammuma! You are my best friend forever!

I have no words to thank god for giving me an Ammuma like you,
Oh Ammuma! I don't say this much but I do love you!

Theyyam - Dance of the Gods

JUST BE STILL!!!

Being still & watching so long the sun,
the moon and the dew,
I am sure by now they know me well
and my name too!

Being still and watching the dancing trees,
hearing the chirping birds and the humming bees,
Sometimes it's best to just be still,
and not fear of not moving ahead..coz u will!

There are places on earth where you have never been,
but being still your thoughts can take you to places you have never seen!

Being still I realised I was living like a fire out of control,
rushing and screaming stuck in this chaotic world!
Being still though was uncomfortable initially,
it helped me slow down and see my inner self more clearly!

Watching the world with sparkling eyes,
finding happiness at the most unexpected times,
I am amazed at how agony has thawed the ice in me,
I am amazed at how ordeals have fortified the feeble soul in me!

Being still in silence was helping my soul absorb universal sapience,
the more still I was the more I enjoyed my newly found independence!

So just breath and know yourself better,
Let's be still and enjoy this beautiful silence together!

Oh amme!

Oh amme!
mahamaye!
you are so divine and beautiful,
your smile makes me feel warm and blissful!

Amme may your fierce beauty,
remind me of my responsibility,
to pass on the strength u have blessed me with, to others like me,
to smile and stand tall and not go weak!

Amme, guide me please,
kindly be the light I seek!
Guide me to be mindful of the present,
and not look back at the past with resent!

Amme, please help me to lead my life as per and never forget,
the teachings of my mother and all the mothers I have met!

Amme, please heal me with your soft touch
that's all I need and nothing much!
Your miraculous aura is teaching me how to live my everyday,
keeping in mind all the blessings you have placed on my way!

Amme, teach me how to move ahead in my journey with a smile,
for being a part of my life, thanking one and all!

OH JESUS!!!

Not just in Bethleham,
but I can find you where ever I am,
not just under one shining star,
Oh Jesus! I can find you everywhere!

As you were born on a stack of hay,
the world knew our saviour was born that day!
Amidst all this celebration I know you can hear me,
praying it's just with you I want to be!

While I wait with the fragrant candle for you in my hand,
I have full faith you have my future safe and planned!

I know though you have given me days of pain,
I will soon have respite coz there awaits the sun after the rain!
Oh Lord! I have nothing more to say,
just praying and praying for you to light up my way!

BELIEVE IN SANTA!!!!

To believe in Santa we are never too old,
& I know he wud definitely come, no matter how cold!
Though santa knows we have no snow or a chimney,
but I know santa will come with gifts for my kids and me!

He will come to see our Christmas tree though small yet grand
n he will luv it coz it's decorated by my kids' beautiful hands!

I wish I was a reindeer taking santa high,
across the globe and across the vast sky!
N yell out to santa.."hey santa we are getting late,
we need to take the gifts & not make the children wait!!!!"

Come the Christmas night
when everything is so joyous and bright,
I pray with all my heart
that may the magic of Christmas be with you and never apart!

So rest your worries and sleep tight
coz santa clause is coming tonight!!!

Smile!

SMILE...while u still have teeth!!!😁

Being happy, no matter what, is never out of style,
you just need to focus on the little things of life!

Smile more and regret less they say,
if you smile you make the other smile always!
I never knew my smile would me feel so rad,
it's the best make up I would ever like to wear!

Not allowing the world to change me, I smile to change the world,
And want to spend my life doing strange things with weirdos that my heart closely hold!

How foolish of me to underestimate the power of a smile,
without searching for a reason to be happy  all the while!

So let's smile and laugh like a child today
leaving no room in us for sadness to stay!
In a world where we can be anything
why not smile and be happy!!!

AT PEACE WITH MYSELF!!!

Fat and fabulous yes I am,
I have accepted myself the way I am,
making peace with myself as a whole,
I love myself with flaws and all!

I never used to think this way
I am grateful for my body anyway!

When I was younger I used to believe,
my looks mattered for the world to perceive,
and hence a lot of my days depended on my physical image,
dressing and eating, and trying to look younger than my age!

Since acquiring a disability I have learnt to love myself,
'Never judge a book by its cover,' they say,
but sadly appearance is what we notice in others and ourself,
and influence our thoughts without fail !

After my health circumstances changed,
and I battled daily with fatigue and pain,
I began to explore the concept of 'mindfulness',
to use it as a weapon against my unhappiness!

I am learning to fight my daily pain and the emotional distress,
by connecting with my inner conscious awareness,
trying to get back the inner peace that is gifted to us at birth,
which is lost of our sight as we grow and develop our faith.

Now I understand that I am not my body,
which is just a place I inhabit in this life,
& I choose not to be defined by anybody,
coz the loss of any part or ability of my body,
cannot lessen me in others eyes!

I am grateful for the body I have,
and I am thankful for all it can still do,
no matter how fat and disabled I look,
I’m glad I am still here with you!

Sri Krishna Sri Vipra Sudama!

Today is Kuchela Dinam! A day for remembering the divine and pure friendship of Lord Sri Krishna Sri Vipra Sudama.

The one who understands the heaviness in ur heart,
just looking in ur eyes,
the one who understands your storming thoughts,
just noticing the silence in ur voice,
is the one with selfless love for you
is the one and only friend for you!

The one who finds your smile
when you have lost yours,
the one who does not leave you alone even for a while,
when you need it the most,
is the one with selfless love for you
is the one and only friend for you!

The one who breaks himself up
when you need to be mended,
the one who stands as a ladder for you to step up
when you are fallen and saddened,
is the one with selfless love for you
is the one and only friend for you!

The one who doesn't believe your smile
when you are busy hiding your pain,
the one who value your tears
when the world is only looking for gain
Oh Sudama! Lord Krishna is the one with selfless love for you
Oh Sudama! Lord Krishna is the one and only friend for you!

MUD PUDDLES!

There are rarely any childhood,
without those long rayon gumboots,
playing and splashing the mud puddles, 
and then waiting for the mud to settle!

I could see God's blessing in the mud puddles,
And so I never miss a chance to slosh and shuffle!
Is it not fun to dabble in the dirt,
throw off all the inhibitions and have a spurt,
paint the face like brave warrior queen
that I secretly always wanted to be.

But once the mud goes dry and arid!
it makes me feel uncomfortable and soiled,
the same mud puddles I found attractive
turns to be annoying and repulsive!

Most of us though are past that age to splash,
But are we not still stuck in a similar mishmash?
We’re still stuck in the mud puddles of life,
stirred up with busyness, greed and vice!
Dirt of fear and disappointment cover our eyes,
empty relationships and worry are our options by choice!

When our life becomes cloudy, whirling and gloomy,
we feel like things will never be normal and  peachy.
But as time passes, jus like how the mud settles in the waters,
stillness and stasis is restored in all our matters!

Though pieces may not settle exactly where they were before,
but is that not the beauty of life we look for?
This gives us the opportunity to start all over again,
to re-discover and be delighted forever again!

Now I don't find these mud puddles uncomfortable,
nor do I avoid them even if I feel miserable,
coz I don't want to miss out on any,
that God has in store for me,
all because I am too focused on the sticky bubbles
blown up by my life “mud puddles”.

I am sure there is joy to be had and thanks to be given,
when life is much less muddy and almost lucent!
My prayer for all of us,
is to find the hidden blessings,
in the midst of the “mud puddles”,
when life leaves us absolutly clueless!

So if you too are languishing in a mud puddle of life, like me...
trust god and believe You are not stuck deep.
Coz you are not defined by any sticky sludge,
but only by your beautiful thoughts and ur attitude not to budge!

Tears!

'Am I crying again?', I thought while wiping away my tears,
but I actually cud not believe there was any more left to roll down my ears.

"Stop" I told my tears to stop flowing out,
but then cudnt find any reason why not.
Warm tears squeezed out of my eyes,
touched by the winter air they turned cold as ice!

But why was did these tears swell up?
Was it due to the pressure of the world inside me that has build up?
No..sometimes there is no reason why,
sometimes you just have to succumb and abide!

After my tears finally stopped,
I felt my mind had gone empty and washed,
My eyes had gone sore,
& I decided "Enuf" not any more!

I know tears have become a part of my life,
But I am also aware of their positive side!
My tears represent the battles n joys of my life,
so tears are not always bad & I know that not a lie!
Since my mind has not much space free,
the build up tears need to flow out easily!

Tears makes me feel anew,
cleansing my mind and eyes for a better view!
They help my thoughts to flow freely
Thereby making my life a little less messy!

Trying to lull myself back to sleep,
I decided to not ever look back or peep!

Hoot hoot..Guess who? An Owl..or else who?

Known to be wisest bird of all,
I saw one sitting on a tree so tall,
he looked at me & I looked at him
& then we could hear each other's silent call!

"The more I see,
the more I give my ears,
the more I hear,
the less I used my words,
oh silly woman why can't you try to be like me?
I felt his gnawing eyes yelling out to me!

Seeing me smile he had no other go,
but to calm down and stare at me more!
Thereafter began our conversation,
in complete silence and imperturbation!

As I looked at the night sky,
he understood my question "Why?"
He comes out only at night
and thereafter remains out of sight,
because night is the time when world goes still,
and that's only when you can hear mother earth sing!

Chiding me for staying awake so late
he fluttered his wings but saw me still wait!
Looking again deep into my eyes,
he asked me to love myself as I was!
Flying to a higher branch he said through a hoot,
"the wisdom you are looking for, is very much within you!"

I wondered how the words uttered when the sun is up,
attains new meaning and life when the moon comes up!

Before we parted, he made me promise to believe
that I will be brave as long as I live,
that I am stronger than I appear
and as days pass by I am getting better and better!

Good night!

Here ends my day,
as the night comes out to say,
"Look at the stars n come out to play",
reminding me to let go all that happened today!
Oh lord!
I pray you give me inspiration and take away my tears,
I pray you give me faith and take away my worries!
I rest my head with dream filled mind,
eyes filled with wonders keeping evil behind,
let's dream throughout the night
and open our eyes for tomorrow's new light!

U r the reason!

I could have given up for umpteen reasons
But I have not because you are my only reason!

Dandelion, my dear!

Oh my dear dandelion
Wait for me.. I am coming!
Here I go flying to far away places
Where I can see no familiar faces!
If you really care for me,
I know you will wait for me!

Come back to us!

We will give you wings to fly up and high,
We will give you roots for you to come back and never bid us goodbye!

Shiv Shakti - the Diestic Merge!

Going beyond expressions...which are soul stirring attempts!

Sai baba bolo!!!

Sai baba bolo!
Why did u leave me solo?
My life is so hollow,
without you to follow!

Sai baba bolo!
Looking from above at me below,
You can see I am feeling so low,
life without you is so dull and slow!

Sai baba bolo!
Will you save me as a whole?
Reduce my pain and sorrow,
widen my path which is so narrow!

No more do I want to hide,
no more do I want to stay aside!
Bless me and keep me by ur side,
Please heal me oh mercy filled Sai!

I made it another day!

Retiring for the day,
I am happy I made it another day!

Closing my eyes and feeling the silence
I could hear my relaxed heart beats!
Thanking the cool air around me,
with every breath I was feeling so free!

Today I was all smiles and affectionate,
unlike some days when I am quiet and just want to hibernate!

I noticed many, busy searching happiness in outer worldy things,
I feel blessed I am learning to find my happiness from within!

I could hear the voice of God in the galaxies,
deciding which angel would make me shine in tomorrow's sunrise!

Now I know why I find the night is so pure,
coz while the sun warms up my body the moon calms down my soul!

Sun shine

Looking at the sun shining on me
I can see my shadow fall behind me!
Making me feel warm and relaxed
I was enjoying these moments that I earlier missed!
Just like the sun hiding behind the trees
there is no point faking 'being happy'!
so I accepted not being alright
and thus had lesser darker nights!
I am so glad now I start anew everyday
falling and rising better than yesterday!

Light!

Arm in arm exists in us, darkness and light,
When I was busy measuring the depth of my darkness,
I was engulfed by my own light!

I continued fighting the unforgiving darkness within me day and night,
As consciousness cannot be regained without handling the pain inside!

Since falling in love with light is not easy
My darkness is what I will show and you will see!
Sailing the ferocious oceans of emotions,
and exploring the dense forests of imperfections,
Loving me is no less than a war I know my dear,
so go ahead, love and embrace me if you have no fear!

Oscillating in me are the shadows and stars
So numb and cold that even the Sun failed to char!
Filled with both hope and despair
I am made of two sides one dark and light  ,
not suppressing the black or white
God has taught me to balance and stabilize!

As his light pierces into my dark corners and flows through my tract,
taming and calming down the riots in my heart,
I surrender to my god with full insight
that he would numb my darkness and increase my light!

Building up a storm the light and darkness mixes within me,
though nothing is visible its creating echoes in me!

My mind is filled with past relevations, present beauty and future attractions,
God is taking me to places where I have never been,
leaving me on the edge of darkness where the light begins.

Oh God! You gifted me box of darkness,
it was actually a gift now I realise!
For now even on my darkest days
I have learnt the art of seeing sunrise!

Yoga mudra Narasimha!

Oh lord narasimha!
help me to be calm and do my karma,
ease my mind of the noise within
quiten my soul so that I can hear

when my soul is trembling in fear and feeling alarmed
I pray you give me a tiny space in your mighty arms!

when I feel abandoned in the battlefield which I know is ur creation to train me,
I know every arrow that comes towards me
will be crushed under your powerful heels!

I understood the magnitude of the battle I was fighting
when I became aware of the power and intensity of your blessings!

you have changed my storm into a whisper
and have stilled my waves,
I pray you increase my thirst and hunger
for meditating and treading on ur words!

Oh lord narasimha! the might, ferocious yet most loving,
I know you have planned up something,
or else I wouldn't be fighting,
this hard a battle which you want me to win!

My window...not a door!

They say when god closes a door,
he opens up a window,
but sometimes things dont happens so,
making you sit and stare at the shadow!

He finally opens a window for me, his dear,
helping me to see the world though sparsely but clear,
when he saw my trust in him through my tears,
now complete without any fear!

Being caged by four walls for months,
I limpingly reach out to my window to fill fresh air in my lungs!
Opening the window I saw the world which I was craving to see,
I was welcomed by the soft soothing wind
tossing leaves at me!

Spending uncounted days with my head rested on my walls,
they now smelt of my sincerest tears and joys,
Standing at the window now with no other plans,
I found it kept me open for different possibilities!

Standing at the windows I realised I get to see,
what my mind is teaching me to see,
while some see it as a seed,
I see it as a wish, fulfilling my need!

My premises on the world which had left me far behind,
were now based on my window with visions  limited,
Daily my windows are scrubed and cleaned
so that I could see a world fresh and not dulled and faded!

My windows gave birth to my dreams,
as my days and nights passed by in routines!
Like the air with no expectations was busily passing in and out,
to give and receive love for nothing in return, is what my window taught!

Through my window I found humans like colored glass,
shining under the warm sun, so generous,
But I found some shined in the dark as well
through the lights within them like a shiny transparent gel!

My window showed me both,
enlightening my soul with the bitter truth,
on one side I saw a girl with eyes filled with dreams,
making her await her future with hopeful gleam,
on the other I saw an old man so feeble and old,
with eyes that craved for love while  exposing his sufferings untold!

Standing at my window I learnt the lesson
that I cannot expect my suffering to have a reason,
I cannot expect the world to be fair to me
just because I was fair and not mean,
Coz even if I did not sting the bee,
it's foolish to expect,  it will not sting me!

Anjaneya

Known for your unconditional and steadfast love for Lord Rama ,
Your divine aura is enough to illuminate my dark world, Oh Anjaneya!

I know you have a purpose for gifting me pain,
I know you have a reason for my struggles and would keep me sane!

I know you are not punishing me,
but preparing me for something which at the moment is unseen!

I know there is no bridge no matter how broken, that you wont help me cross!
I know there is no storm no matter how strong, that you wont get me across!

I know taking by my hand you will lead me,
through the road dark and uncertain to where I should be!

I know you you can restore what is broken and spoiled,
I know you will change it into something amazing,  coz I know I am your child!

Stranger in turban!

Amidst the fast and buzzing modern world
lost in the crowd of the arrogant and bold,
I saw a stranger with a huge moustache and a colorful turban on his head to match.
He had an emotionless face,
with a well conversing eyes
yearning to escape from this cement jungle where he found no peace and none to mingle!

I realised like him we are all strangers,
equally strange world this is,
craving to feel at peace and calmer
but not knowing where our real abode is.

We all do get a peek of it sometimes in our dreams,
giving us a feel of acquintance which fades off just it comes!

His eyes proved that there is beauty in broken and lost people too,
as you can see their sunshine come through,
inspite of being different and delicate,
their beautiful yet bruised heart!

Smile of such souls can lighten your day,
just like the fireflies lighten up the night in a wonderful way!

I always love exploring different faces
as depth of oceans cannot be known through their surfaces!
In the unknown I continue to seek and dive,
coz I know there's more than what meets my eye!

My Own World!!!!

I am turning into a word so fine,
that many would find me hard to define!
This world wud have taken charge with me swallowed,
Had I not created my own world!

With grass as my pillow,
rain making music on my window,
I would have missed the feeling of warm and cold,
Had I not created my own world!

I love my untamed permanently coloured world,
where you can never grow old,
swinging gleefully with the rainbow that you hold,
Had I not created my own world!

Nothing in this world,
could have satisfied my soul,
which is now learning to be bold,
Had I not created my own world!

I could not have had it all
if not permitted by you my lord,
I would have felt lonely manifold, 
Had I not created my own world!

My best buddy- masala tea!

Calming down the storm in me,
created by my life so topsy turvy,
warming not just my hands so chilly,
is my best friend, my darling masala tea!!!!

Helping me go deaf in this world so noisy,
filling me up with a lot of peace,
checking up on how I feel,
is my darling cup of masala tea!

Giving solutions to problems if any,
no matter how busy,
I always have the time umpteen,
for my darling masala tea!

With each cup I sail off to a new journey,
Giving me the pleasures of both solitude and company,
leading me to an enjoyable serendipity,
is my darling masala tea!

Right behind you!

His grace covers you,
that's all you need to know,
when least expected by you,
you will find god right behind you!

Protecting you from all falls
to stand up firm and tall,
against any strong wind or wall,
rescuing and never letting go of you
you will find god right behind you!

Teaching you patience to wait on,
giving direction for you to move on,
keeping an eye on you,
can you guess who is behind you?
well that's your god loving you
and standing right behind you!

The piercing light!

Arm in arm exists in us, darkness and light,
When I was busy measuring the depth of my darkness,
I was engulfed by my own light!

I continued fighting the unforgiving darkness within me day and night,
As consciousness cannot be regained without handling the pain inside!

Since falling in love with light is not easy
My darkness is what I will show and you will see!
Sailing the ferocious oceans of emotions,
and exploring the dense forests of imperfections,
Loving me is no less than a war I know my dear,
so go ahead, love and embrace me if you have no fear!

Oscillating in me are the shadows and stars
So numb and cold that even the Sun failed to char!
Filled with both hope and despair
I am made of two sides one dark and light  ,
not suppressing the black or white
God has taught me to balance and stabilize!

As his light pierces into my dark corners and flows through my tract,
taming and calming down the riots in my heart,
I surrender to my god with full insight
that he would numb my darkness and increase my light!

Building up a storm the light and darkness mixes within me,
though nothing is visible its creating echoes in me!

My mind is filled with past relevations, present beauty and future attractions,
God is taking me to places where I have never been,
leaving me on the edge of darkness where the light begins.

Oh God! You gifted me box of darkness,
it was actually a gift now I realise!
For now even on my darkest days
I have learnt the art of seeing sunrise!

Peacock feather

An Ethereal Multicolour-imbrued Peacock feather!

Sleeping Divinity!

Sleeping Divinity!

Cheerful tree!

Cheerfulness filled in me,
While I was painting this tree!

Effortless living!

Nature reminds us of how life can move effortlessly!

The tantalising flute player

Wherever I look I see you, whatever I touch I feel you!
My life begins where my fears cease,
Oh Krishna! My love for you can never decrease!
So why would I drop a tear, when you are always near!

Family birds

We will give you wings to fly up and high
We will give you roots for you to come back and never bid us goodbye!

The more I live...

The more I live
the more i see
beauty hidden
All around me!

The more I live
the more I see
that if I focus intense and closely
I can see beauty in all and anything!

I have reached this far
not to just be here,
but to learn a lesson,
of staying strong even when alone!

The more I Live
the more I see
people who are real
Rather those who are able
coz they live proudly
not hiding their scars even minutely!

The more I live
the more I see
that when I don't compete with anyone
none competes with me!

The more I live
the more I see
that in the stormy pouring rain
I am nothing less a hurricane!

The more I live
the more I see
that like this tiny flower among the weeds
I too can grow without any help or need!

FEATHER!

How I wish to be a feather,
no matter what the weather
between the earth and the sky
where ever the wind goes that's where I can fly!

A Feather found as we walk by
are reminders that angels are always nearby!

When we least expect it respite can appear
miracles happen because angels are always near!
Often times I stumble and fall,
I thank god and his angels for hearing my call!
I still never stop calling out to the Angels in the sky
to remember to give me a sign as and when they pass by!
I feel my angels when the winds embrace me,
I can sense my angels smile when raindrops kiss my cheeks!
I always try to listen to them,
coz for me my angels sing and hum!

Warming me up under their wings
during these december morning  chills!
I can sense them shelter me from above
filling my life with lots and lots of love!

Now I know not all angels live in the sky
some are god sent to walk on the earth and not fly,
your wings maybe not be visible to all
but I am blessed to know who you really are!
My life is brightest because of you
So I know my earth angels are definitely you!

Dearest teacher!

Having completed reading this book, I find myself innately incapable of writing a review on this book! But I would like to dedicate these humble lines for my warm and brave hearted teacher..Mrs. Geeta Panicker ... who has taught me life lessons by introducing me to the world of words and nature!

"Life tried to make you go helpless
but instead you chose to be venturous !
Life posed  major obstacles for you to face
but you chose to treat them as defiance!
life wanted you to accept defeat,
but you chose to strongly persist!
life wanted you to doubt your existence,
but you chose to trust and live without limits!
Life wanted you to end up as a caterpillar,
but you fought to become a butterfly and fly higher!
Life wanted you to define yourself with your dark gloomy days
but you chose to be actualized and shine through your luminosity!
The way you stand upright and refuse to fall,
I venerate and prostrate before this unyielding ironwilled soul!"

YOU..YES YOU ARE MY FAMILY!

Symbolising everything significant in our life,
our refuge at times whether good or amiss;
providing warmth like a piecemeal quilt,
woven with the threads of love and care,
hastening to it anytime without any guilt,
that's how a blessing, god gifted families are!

You think you can live and survive solo
but connecting and making us follow,
there are thousand invisible fibers,
keeping us interwoven as family members!

My achievements when I am a loner are limited,
but with the power of my family close and extended, my achievements go unlimited.

Like different branches growing in all directions and stretching to reach above ,
Family is the tree with one single root deeply deeply in love!
I believe I am enough and much more,
under the warm closeness that only families know!!

Though family may have some we may not like for a while,
Trust me those are definitely the ones we love for life!

I now begin my day expressing my gratitude and thanking god,
celebrating my awsome and understanding family, whether close or far off!

Gaining strength from the thought
that no matter what,
my family is there,
when I am in desperate need of encouragement and care!

Family ties are what I treasure the most,
no matter where I wander off its tender clutches holds me close!

Family isn't always blood now I realise,
they are those who want me in their life!
They are ones who love me as I am no matter what I can or cannot do,
And strive for my smile and are the reason for my breakthrough!

Broadening my perspectives and teaching me to enjoy life in many ways,
Love u all for being here with me ...in my heart always!

The white flower bud!

Have you ever attempted to hold your anxiety,
and live on the edge with ambiguity,
or immensely felt the desire to flee
from the smog of uncertainty?

Awaiting to be found I saw a white flower bud
Amidst the unheralded array of green leafy bed
Curiously I asked my granny, "Do you know which flower this will be?
She said smilingly, "Why don't you wait and see?"

Thereafter watching the little bud thrive and grow,
I realised the my new little friend was teaching me how to HOPE!

If I knew what it would blossom into it would have brought me closer to 'certainty',
Which the modern world is now addicted to,
But no... I prefer enjoying awaiting the unknown in ambiguity!

What..how.. where..when.. will it happen?
this unquantifiable feel keeps the jar of anxiety open, 
So to hope you need the audacity and resolution,
to fearlessly face and appreciate the cloud of the unknown!

Every now and then either like an ear-piercing yawp with echoes
or like weak docile whispers,
Hope is offering prayers when we have lost our way and 
the sudden spurt of fresh air
when the burden of the society is taking your breath away!

Hope is watering the tiny seed,
planted within the earth so deep,
Hope is the sun awaiting for the seed to sprout,
so that it could cuddle it in its warmth before it blooms out!

Hope is believing that there are good things out there,
and life is worth living even if it is bare!

Hope is not losing heart and getting through with a smile,
The difficult moments of life that keep popping every short while!

Hope is a choice to face any adversity,
even if life is filled with confusion and uncertainty!

Hope teaches us to look into the eyes of our fears and dubiousness,
To believe that life isn't difficult though you very well know.. IT IS!

Hope teaches you to be honest with yourself,
And go soaring past your limitations and proving yourself!

Hope is acknowledging your constraints and ailments,
but believing firmly and striving to have your dreams reach fulfilment.

Just as my white flower bud wasn't visible in the green leafy bed,
Amidst diagnosis and health challenges hope for me was difficult to be found!

But now I am an active participant in my own simple unique life,
staying away from toxic people who sap  out the zen from my smile!
I am now surrounded by my chosen few  who love me and make me feel precious as a drop of dew!

The white flower bud has softly taught me,
to let the thoughts of my past and future go free,
to live patiently and mindfully in the present,
I now enjoy life's each and every moment!

Having begun my journey I have met angels on earth, so many,
making my life's expedition meaningful is their blissful and enlightening company.

Treading on this road of hope with such blessed souls
I now am sure..I AM NOT ALONE!

My petite dew drop!

Confined to the four walls and feeling suffocated for long,
I could sense my thoughts wandering in a direction that I knew was wrong!
And so I dared the stairs to my terrace with my crutches along!

Enjoying and soaking the warm sun and hearing the birds chirp on the tall trees,
I realised how much beauty I had missed around me!

Inspite of my weakened vision my half closed eyes,
spotted a piece of beauty and so I scrutinised!

A dew drop on a yellow flower petal,
was the fascination that had caught my spectacle!

In a bat of an eye I felt connected to it,
quivering on the petal which had nestled it,
as the enticing sunny flower danced with ease,
in the balmy morning breeze!

As the sun rays fell on my petite dew drop,
as if was in deep slumber it arose and woke up!
Taking a breather on the smooth amber petal,
my tiny friend got busy osmosing the warm arising morning sol.

The soft sunup breeze, naughty and playful as always,
tried to dodder up the yellow flower as it was about to laze!

As this frolicking continued between the flower and the breeze,
I could feel the terror gripping the dew drop making it freeze!

As gravity pulled it towards the edge of the foliage,
the dew drop dreaded the thought of the nearing ravage! 

oh..I wondered why was this happening?
The dew drop was in a battle to stop slipping!

Why did my life have to break and change?
Things were comfortable, safe and easy to manage. 

I could feel the dew drop was terrified like me,
fearing the fall in the unknown.. dense dark and deep!

Sure of falling and being smashed into pieces hard to find,
like how I had felt of losing my mind!

How can the day which had just begun
have such a quick and painful end?
Would my battles to survive turn my life meaningless and redundant?

It seemed so unfair to see the dew drop do whatever it could,
to cling to the helpless petal, but little did it know it was no use!

I too realised that there was no point clinging to my past with ends that don't join!

Finally, the dew drop decides to let go, surrendering to the pull of gravity,
Down, down..down it fell..anticipating eternity!

As it fell down a reflection of itself it saw,
coming closer and closer until finally...
the fear transformed into deep joy!

My tiny friend dived into the vastness and was no more a drop,
since it was a puddle of water made of thousands of such dew drops!

Though my dew drop friend was no more,
I was happy to see it in the plashet without fearing anymore.

I resolved this is what I wanted too,
to live a life like a never wilting bloom!
To become one with the universe as a whole,
with utmost sincerity by my body and soul!

A lady bugs expedition!

Yesterday night...

Yesterday night gaping at the stars..I spend a few minutes
little did I know that it would shower me with invisible gifts!

The stars were twinkling with a subtle and soft light
I realised I wasn't anymore fearful of the intense dark night!

While the cool night breeze played with my frizzies,
and placed soft cool kisses on my warm cheeks,
I wondered whether was it just me starring at the stars or were they staring back at me!

It was mesmerising to watch the laid back jittering of the infinite stars,
making me realise peace and happiness comes in the darkest of the times!

I have lost count on how many times have I fallen in love,
with this star sprinkled universe befriending me from above!

I am always in awe seeing the moon's waxing and waning shapes each day,
just like the variety of emotions we humans forever display!

Marred with craters yet beautiful like the moon,
my life though inperfect, is now filled with bliss and solitude that I crazily dote on!

The dark sky resembled my life's uncertainties,
but the twinkling stars were motivating me to fulfill my dreams!

I prayed for the night to grow more darker and darker
And let me retain my love for the unknown for ever!

I felt at peace and passed blissful sighs,
sitting in the mid of a softly whirling heavenly globe
I felt the universe come more alive!

The stars were smiling at me as if all my secrets were revealed,
I smiled back counting them shimmering above the winter baren trees!

Soon the scintillating stars were obscured by the moving clouds,
I blew good night kisses to my heavily friends, softly and not aloud!

Like the owl cuddled up on the tallest branch of the tree,
I too wished to be free
and just for once, float high up in the sky
coz neither could I resist the moon nor the stars in the dark blue night!

Hole in a leaf!

When life keeps knocking me down from the edge of a cliff,
Making me feel things I never wanted to feel,
Wiping away my rolling tears are the soft winter breeze
Warm sunlight caressing me to calm down and breath,
I am now totally tattered like a torned leaf
But I have promised myself i shall hold on and never be fallen leaf!

Fly high...Fly solo!

While the mortal world is lifelessly speeding away
I prefer to stay solo high in the sky,
dancing in the sky with still healing yet steadfast wings
never looking down at the emptiness filled earthlings!
Now that I have tasted the freedom so high,
walking on the earth, I cant stop sending  soft kisses to the sky!
Just like the Earth meeting the sky
I have met people who love with no feelings to hide!
Yes I have found my heedless world which begins where this zooming self obsessed world ends,
which is visible to only few since its beyond the reach of common sense!

Pic: Thanks to amazing photography of Mrs. Geeta Panicker

I DARE!

Craving to tranquilize my life
and getting rid of all the brunts and bruise but a life without tautness and aches
Can it be tagged as a beautiful life?

Little do we know that pain and crisis though fends us off from satisfaction and ease,
Never fails to imbue the cardinal rules of life in us
To aid our hanker to educe and arise!

Acknowledging such a life filled with labour and pain
I know is not as easy as a flow of a drop of rain,
But the irrefutable reality remains
that daring to do so makes me no less a Paladin!!!

Obsessed with my illness? NO I AM NOT!

Offlate I have been accused of my posts being all about me and my illness and hence attention-seeking. Attempts have been made to label me as weak spirited and negative minded as I apparently talk too much about my illnesses... making it more like "whining" and that I should focus more of positive aspects of life. 
So why do I continue to talk about my experiences and why am I so adamant on spreading awareness about this rare disorder? Simply because there is none to advocate for myasthenics like me! No one appears to have heard about this disorder so I obviously dont expect ads giving out information about this illness on TV or any such forum. Now, with the help of  Internet, there is an opportunity to wade off ignorance on this illness!

And so in response to all those who think I am "whining" or "negative" here's what I would like to humbly submit:
I shall continue to post and share posts that may help me or another soul who is suffering and battling with life like me. I  shall also continue to post my opinion to raise awareness on myasthenia gravis and also to stop people from judging and making them understand about the barriers faced by people with invisible illnesses in every step of their life.

I am very sure though supported my limited knowledge, that the count of MG patients is much higher in reality than the figures publicised so far.
And so..
since to beat the drum for us myasthenics  there are none
I decided to do it loudly on my own!

Hope you are with me to put our senses together to spread Awareness on this rare autoimmune disorder and help those ignorant before it is too late!